Tori, this is a draft of the essay James Crews requested for his LGBTQ Love Poems anthology. He said 300-500 words. This is a 620. I went over. I trimmed it down to 680 words. I would like to take out more words but each section is needed. I need honest feedback. he wants it submitted by April 15.
Unconditional Love
The first time I heard your heartbeat, when I felt that first flutter in my tummy -- was that a kick? I was in awe, in love. An actual human being was growing inside me. Such comfort that nine months, feeling I was never alone.
An April day, as the world was reawakening, you entered as new life itself. Our first born; pushed, birthed, born…into my arms.
Where did you come from? Two lives became three and love multiplied with this soul of the universe.
Growing into a curious, creative child you asked profound questions at age three and were spellbound by the stars when you and dad laid on a blanket in the backyard looking at the Milky Way. When you were eight, we gave you glow-in-the-dark stars; you arranged them in the correct constellations on your ceiling.
At age ten anxiety began inside you, the source of which you did not know, nor did we. The unrest continued. We sought help. Yet, you carried on through high school and college excelling with honors in spite of angst gnawing at you. You married your soulmate right out of college. There were happy days and deeply depressed days. We worried.
We were gathered in the family room one day in September; you said you had news. You sat on the floor in jeans and a t-shirt. We noticed your hair was longer on top, getting curly. We noticed your face was softer and calmer, you looked happier.
You handed us a letter. We read silently as you watched. As we read, a bolt of electricity went through us — This has been a long time coming, I identify as a woman.
We were stunned into silence. How did we miss the signs? After all, you weren’t the first transgender person we knew.
You interrupted the silence with, Can I have a hug?
Of course! Yes, we are so happy for you.
In a role reversal our new daughter reassured us. She said she felt safe and was working with a specialist in transgender healthcare. She provided us with valuable information to read. We connected with other parents of transgender kids online.
We felt like bad parents because this took so long to figure out. She reiterated that none of us had the knowledge or language for gender identity and gender dysphoria in the past. She and her spouse had been privately discussing transition for seven years. She assured us the time was right at this point in her life.
Some parents do not take this news well. Some even cast their children out into the streets.
I always go back to that day our child was born, cradling the miracle of a perfect human being with a cherub face, those fingers, toes, and tiny fingernails! Our love has grown as big as the Milky Way. It will not change. That is unconditional love; loving no matter what.
When I asked, how did you know you were a woman?
You turned the question back to me, Mom, how did you know you were a woman?
I just knew.
Well, see? That’s me also.
When a person feels at one with themself, anything is possible. Our daughter has flourished with her own computer business and has become a scientific artist of Astrophotography. She works with astronomers in Chile and Australia using remote computer telescopes to journey deep into the stars, still a child of the universe.
This is our love story, a story of deep listening, learning, advocacy, and affirmation. Whatever happens we will always love her, no matter what.
Oh, by the way, the love keeps going; our daughter and her spouse have been married for more than twenty years.
By Annette Langlois Grunseth